TW: Death, Pet Loss, off-handed Animal Abuse lightly mentioned, UnChristlike Treatment
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Today my gramma and I took her cat to be put down and I buried her :’( I’m heartbroken but not allowing it to show while with Gramma as she asked me not to cry while with her. And I know I may be reading too deep into her actions, but when we put her down Grandma seemed to treat it as a chore... Like it didn’t matter and I know shutting off her emotions is probably how she copes but it was hard to do all of this. By the time I got home, I was already plum exhausted from hiding my emotions, so I took a nap, after waking up, I went to seek consolation and someone in a Christian furry group was a little insensitive when I tried to come for support after ward.... He had to point out that I wasn’t gonna see her at the end of days at the new earth instead of treating like someone who was grieving and traumatized. A whole hour was spent correcting a Christian’s unChristlike behavior instead of getting the comfort and kindness I needed. So when he did that I was angered for two reasons. First when we took Reesie to the vet it was a very traumatic ordeal. I felt her ribs sticking up, she was deaf, she refused to eat, she was in pain and the fact he basically said there was no plan for her in paradise after all of that angered me. And then the whole cruelty to animals and the fact that recently BLM beat a raccoon to death because “cops treat blacks like animals” and he basically was saying that it didn’t have a plan in paradise. And second, the fact that in the beginning God created animals alongside Adam on the sixth day and Jesus was born in a feeding trough with animals and the fact that threes and sevens usually are how God perfects a cycle... and how he described the new earth in Isaiah... the insensitivity and the lie... together made it worse. Along with the fact that the pandemic didn't allow for us to go in with her and I had to let her go to the vets made it harder cuz you saw in her eyes she didn't want to leave us... The way this whole ordeal happened with this Christian was one of the people who comforted me said I’d see her again at the end of the age and he decided it was an appropriate time to correct him saying she’s gone and I won’t see her. Even IF it was true (which when I read scripture on the new earth it always includes animals in paradise) it was not the time or place for it. Only when I told him it wasn’t a kind or loving thing to say in front of someone in grieving did he give any condolences. I shared Isaiah 11:6-9 and Isaiah 65:17-25 and he said all of it was symbolism for countries of the world being unified in peace. At the end he said it was to the person who said it and I told him if that is true he should have gone to that person’s DMs and corrected them there as I was in grief and coming to the open-share-and-support group for support, not a bible lesson about semantics of what the Bible says about animals. He accepted responsibility at least and I told him as a Christian I am commanded to forgive him and as an act of my will I do, but it is going to take time for my emotions to catch up with that decision. I want to forgive him. I want to obey that command. It just hurts so much... The vets were kind though. They treated her kindly, they reassured us as they handed her body back, treated us fairly and the tech that put her down had a manner that I could tell he was kind to her. she didn't fight the anesthetic. She went peacefully they said. I feel as though I've run clean out of tears to cry..... I've said that before but tears always come back....it's good to cry though.... you become happier when you do. It releases endorphins and helps you heal.... You become less embittered, softer, more able to cry again. To become apathetic is an emotional drought. It hardens you, makes it harder to be empathetic, compassionate, and kind... as the trees need the rain before it can grow. You need your tears to whether the world. Things are more beautiful through tears. Have you seen it? Have you ever looked at Christmas lights through your tears? They become streams of light and hope, rainbows in the night. Nothing is more beautiful than seeing through the eyes of pain and heartache.